Masturbation for me has been pretty mechanical in the past. I usually opt in for a clitoral orgasm using my Clit Sucker toy, which works so well that the whole experience only lasts a few minutes before I drift off to a peaceful slumber.
I have been recommending self pleasure rituals to my coaching clients but have gotten complacent when it comes to practicing them myself. My issue was time and getting past the habit of a quick orgasm. I have since found the balance that allows me to entertain myself without taking too much time or added effort. I still continue to have my regular quickies but I have now decided to dedicate more time once a week towards my self pleasure practice and utilize each day to build up for that moment.
I incorporate daily foreplay by becoming more sensual with the actions I already do and aim to ignite all the senses throughout the day. Most of these suggestions are not sexual but they add to the overall experience of showing devotion to yourself and preparing a beautiful space to relax into when you are ready for self pleasure.
These are the ways I most enjoy incorporating self pleasure but consider what works best to get you into your most sensual energy.
- Instead of lathering on lotion I sensually massage it into my body.
- I take longer showers so that I can notice the way the hot water feels on my breasts and other sensitive areas.
- I wear softer, flowy clothes that I feel confident in even though I work from home.
- Sometimes I wear lingerie just for the sheer joy of knowing that I am wearing lingerie.
- My work space smells like essential oils with floral notes or spices.
- I buy or pick myself flowers because I love the way their presence makes me feel.
- I eat foods slower and more intentionally so that I can enjoy the experience longer and contemplate on each burst of flavor.
- Sometimes I close my eyes and sensually dance to my favorite songs without thinking too much about the movement and how I look. I dance for me.
- I stopped watching porn and now really on fantasy that involves myself and my lovers of choice. I feel much more connected with the orgasm when I am the director to what turns me on.
- I keep my toys charged at all times so that they are ready to be used!
(Amouretta Euphoria - Clit Sucker)
Feeling more in touch with my sensuality overall has created more intense and achievable orgasms. I suggest incorporating a self pleasure practice into your schedule if you wish to practice self love through sensuality, which will directly correlate to you being perceived as a more confident person and will deepen your connection with a partner.
From my experience of incorporating a self pleasure practice, I have noticed a new ‘glow’ about me. My feminine essence is a lot more pronounced when I embrace my sensual side. People can sense this energy and tell me that they feel connected to me even when I don’t use much words. Try incorporating at least one or two of these suggestions to your daily routine and notice the difference in your attitude. This will affect the way you are perceived, the people you attract, and your relationships may grow fonder as a result.
Danielle Graves is a relationship & intimacy coach and sex therapist in training. She focuses on teaching others how to deepen human connection, increase intimacy, and fully embody the person who deserves to love and be loved.
Ps: Exclusive to our Hedonistas - book your first FREE session with Danielle. Simply mention #wearehedonistas on daniellegraves.com.